Reading between the lines of jokes, invitations, Obama/Romney quips, sarcasm, criticism, damnations and all sorts of What's On Your Mind? brain matter in my Newsfeed today, there were some jewels that shone bright. Brighter than the dismal days I have recently been suffering through.
Take this post from BEN-HUR (my favorite movie of all time). I love this scene when Ben-Hur is told He Is Needed! and only HE can do the job. Ever feel like it won't matter if you do or you don't do what you could probably do better than someone else? I've been having some of those feelings.
OK, stop. Time for the "courage constipation" explanation. Two weeks ago, my heart dropped into a place it's been hard to climb out of. It wasn't so much that I was denied a $20,000 grant that would have allowed me more resources to finish my film's research and to make the fundraising trailer needed for the next step of moving the project forward. But it was the feeling of hope gone dark, of the boost gone bad, of the mountain of madness still to climb if the Thomas Chapin film would get made. Yes, there were other options to surmount, other strategies chomping at the bit, and other choices that clamored "Save Thyself!!" It's been a dark two weeks as my soul waded through the murky waters of What To Do.
I wrote to some close friends, asking for their prayers, their spiritual, emotional support. A dear friend wrote back: Your prayer might be: Lord, give me insight and courage to follow this through, and to be at peace whatever the outcome.
Another one wrote: Relax in the faith that God is saying "I got this.
Some of my friends didn't write anything back. But I knew they were holding me in their thoughts and prayers. That kind of friendship is just known, not spoken.
In the days that followed, I did actually feel encouraged in this kinda supernatural way. I began to feel my heart being craned out of the murk, my head growing clearer with hope, and courage beginning to sprout again. The BOLDNESS to move and act still hadn't kicked in, but then again I was still being still and quiet in my spirit.
Then today came! With Facebook postings that I swallowed like EXLAX. Let me share a few:
And above it, a post from Blue Water Mission about taking "bold solo action." True courage takes this, it said. SOLO! Someone's got to do it Ben-Hur!!
I KNOW the story of Thomas Chapin's life and music can inspire and teach! It's a worthy story, and the storyteller who can tell the story will bless world.
Alice names Hawaiian Queen Liliu'okalani as one she admires. Meleanna is making a film, has been making a film since 2004, that tells the story of this beloved queen and her love of the land (land being a symbol of place, identity and spiritual purpose).
Why did Mele's post grab me, move me to tears? Because in it, Alice Walker gets us! She gets us artists, us film artists, who desire so deeply, who try so hard to bring important and worthy stories to life, who give and sacrifice what they can to birth a fllm idea that they know can change the world, can move hearts and minds, who die a little every day to the selfish pouts and doubt to quit. Mele, we believe!! Keep going!!
Let me end my blog with Alice Walker's words that brought the tears today.
"The creation of art is such a sacred function it is appalling that it is often so hard for artists to have the support and funding they need. If Meleanna Meyer’s film finds the necessary funding it will help the healing of the world. It can help us restore our senses. It can help us reconnect with ancestors whose base acts depress, distress and embarrass us. We should all be jumping up and down around our artists asking them what we can do to help them help us!"
Perhaps you will be inspired to stay with me and to even help (Early Birds, Donate now page) as I trog the trouble in my mind, as I seek the boldness of heart to find True Courage, as I strategize and find my next steps to birthing this Thomas Chapin film. Oh, and yes, as I take my anti-courage constipation medicine.